could you hear me?

Saturday, January 08, 2005

today is a gift, that's why it's call "present".

went to watch phantom with da-ge. the singing ok only. i prefer the original michael crawford and sarah brightman's version. but the orchestra music is nevertheless fantastic.. watched till 11:45. luckily still got last bus and train. yepz. was walkin ard J8 with her before that. they had opened a new section. the place is begining to feel like heerens.

hmm.. i couldnt say whether the College CIP was a success or a flop but i dunno. after seein how things work ard, i somehow lost the sense of interest in everything.

from this i did some self reflection on myself..
Bad points about me: too impulsive, too self-assuming, mood swings alot, always want to be different, think too much, dream too much, careless, stubborn, too upright, too much pride.

yes, pride. one of the greatest sins of humankind. i think i have it. =(

and i realised that i smile too much. happy or not, i juz gave that fako curl of the lips. crap. hate it. think i got too tired of it. why show everyone the fake side. pple will be misleaded. pull a long face and pple will ask. wat the h***.. arghz..

somehow i think i'm hating myself more..

perhaps i need a confirmation. juz a "yes, i'm here" will do. i dunno. have been doin all the wrong things. have been goin around hurting. crap. wat am i doin? i dun even know. i dun even know myself. no more excuses. yes it's my fault. no more guesses and perhaps. i'm wrong. it all boils down to me. freak.

no matter how hard i try, i still end up goin in the wrong direction. making everyone unhappy. wat's wrong? was i too optimistic before?

gettin more forgetful.. senile.. but some memories will always be there in the corners of my mind. the corner where i always hide myself in and bathe with the wonderful memories. the corner i visited once too many often. that corner..

~~~
if your heart's not in it for real, please dun try to fake what you don't feel. if love's already gone, it's not fair to lead me on. coz i would give the whole world, for you. anything you asked of me, i'ld do. but i wont asked you to stay, i'll rather walk away if your heart's not in it.
~~~

tell me, how can i redeem myself? how can i save all this? are you still here?


"i'm missing you, even though you're right here by my side..coz lately it seems that distance between us is growing too wide.."
-Al

Ruth-Skunk || 10:45 pm