could you hear me?

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

bad organizer..

haiz.. wellz, i guess i have never been a good organizer.. always so dull and boring. right.. i'm a dull and boring person. who can blame it to? haiz.. guess i'm tired of making decisions. i'm never a good decision maker. and my suggestions arent that useful most of the times. aye.. i sux.. not a good leader nor a good follower. cant lead cant follow. crap lah..
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had a paper cut at the tip of my 4th finger on my right hand. it's pretty irritating. at first i didnt know. then it's like: "how come my palm so sticky one". then i looked down. then i saw blood. i thought it's my other hand but i couldnt find the cut on it. so i went to wash the blood away. then a stingin sensation from my finger shot to my brain. the cut was cut diagonally inwards. yah. so the cut skin was like irritating lahz. so throughout the day i kept lookin at my cut. i think it's healed now. at least it doesnt hurt when i run my hands under the tap.
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looking at my grandfather, i realised that we have alot in common. perhaps it's the soul of geminians. or rather i have his blood. he was born on the 2nd. so cool. saw it in his i/c. we were very quiet throughout the entire journey to the bank on monday. no one would have thought we are related. hahahaz. i peered at him. he seemed to be getting older. haiz. he looks scary if he doesnt smile. hahaz. like me. *hint to xie*
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oh. the in mvp valentine series right. got a piece of music i like it alot. violin. hahahaz. crap. think it's getting back at me again. violin. i cant believe i gave up on it before. nvm. i guess i still love my violin. haiz. think mum will buy a bigger one for me. coz i asked her abt it some days ago. she has her doubts. since i gave up on it that last time. come to think of it, that teacher i had for grade 1/2 is really pathetic. he only taught me how to hold the violin, the bowing and the standing posture. but he didnt teach me the fingerings of the strings. lame right. and all he did is to show me how to play the pieces. so i memorised as much fingerings and the tunes and played them. so sad right. so everytime got scolded. i think he doused my interest in music at that time. dreaded goin to lessons. but i still like to play my violin.
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and of course, choir had taught me alot of music. yea. learnt them during sectionals. coz it's quite stupid if the asst SL dunno music right. budden again, the SL dunno music. but she took the time to self study some. me juz there to hear the pitching. wahahahaz. they said violinist have the best pitch. maybe? =P yea. the pianist will be there lahz. then we'll be like exchanging skills. sl ask us to sing, support and stuff. pianist played the notes and me will be listening. wat if the pianist played the wrong note? dun worry, we have alot of altos with music background to correct. yea.. so i picked up almost all of my music in choir, besides the reading of the notes. but my violin skills is from imitating my teacher. so wat? i learnt the music all by myself? hahaz.. jk..
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perhaps it's juz my fantasy. thinkin too much? guess so.. still cannot forget the good o'days.. haiz.
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"everybody changes and i dun feel the same".. hahahaz.. well, i guess. i realised that over the years i had changed from a wild cat to a tamed dog. from someone so carefree to someone so solitude. haiz.. or does it happened to everyone? seeing more of humanity each day. growing up and learning. i learn how to express myself. how to refrain from somethings. how to remain solace. haiz.. "before you judge me, try hard to love me. look within your heart and ask, "have you seen my childhood."

i know, i know.. whoever hasnt have a bad childhood. nvm.. i'm juz crapping.
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when i looked up at the sky
stars so beautiful, shimmering and bright.
the air is cool, but i felt great warmth
coz i have you to share the light.

oh god, what wrong have i done?
in love with someone who cannot be mine.
what else can i do but to watch you fly
to the arms of another, one you pine.

like the wind, you come and go.
you gave me love, strength, joy and hope.
but i'm grateful, you left footprints in my heart
one engraved so deeply, to last till i'm gone.
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a portion of mvp:

Xiaoxi- if Angel and i fell into the sea, who would you save first? it must have been her right?
Chengfeng- i'll save you too.
Xiaoxi- but by the time you do that, i would have drowned.
Chengfeng- then i'll jump in to die with you.

so touching. =P that's when xiaoxi wanted to breakup with chengfeng that part. i think the guy acting chengfeng is a christian. hahahaz.. spotted the "W.W.J.D" band he wore in one of the scenes. er.. does that count? hahahaz.
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messed up. dun wanna think anymore. not myself. why do i act. but the truth is scary. i dun wanna scare anyone. juz want things to be as they are. dwelled in the past. but why? making the best out of the present. i want everyone to be happy. not lookin into the future. coz i dun see any bright light at the end of the tunnel. stupid mask. i wish i could rip it off. but everyone would be scared of wat's under it. i love the phantom. we have many things in common. but i wont kill. i juz try to do my best for the ones i loved. "love is time." i spent most of the time with my family and friends. they are my priorities. myself? not yet.


Sarah> it's not ur youth grp's fault. i mean there's nothing wrong. it's juz me. probably too anti-social. but i'm trying not to be. and maybe becoz i'm still unsure. still messed up. there's no need to defend ur grp. i have nothing against them. really. i'm juz feeling more neutral than anything else. maybe i am too upright and uptight. maybe i juz like to be fair. i dunno. too many things attributin to what i'm feeling i guess. guessed i'm juz really messed up. is that a good excuse? nvm abt me. yea.. ur grp is cool. really. at least u have fun together. and i think i'm in my anti-social mood that night. so pardon my silence. guess i couldnt help it.. =S


"face to face but a thousand miles apart.."
- Al =(

Ruth-Skunk || 4:43 pm