could you hear me?

Friday, November 19, 2004

heartbroken..

haiz.. after having the plans out for the big day. now u dun wish to participate. did i guess it right? i'm right yea? u juz dun wanna go. why? wat's wrong? izzt me? or izzt someone? really hope that u'll join. it's not only me who wanted u to come, everyone else too.

haiz. guess i got a cold after that. maybe i was juz too worked up with feelings. haiz. and it got worser as the night fell deeper. crapz lah.. things juz got worser and worser for me. why? juz because i broke ALL the rules. fine. strike me with all ur curses. dun feel like livin anyway.

"I guess this is the best moment to come between the both of you.
But when you said in tears that u still love him and dun wish to leave him, I became the mediator of this relationship.

I should have encouraged you to leave him but I can't seem to do it.
Because when you smiled and said that I'm the best and am your confidant, I dare not tell you not to treat me just as a friend."

haiz.. translated this the other day. wat was i thinkin?!?! nvm..

think i missed the sound of children's laughters. missed the days of carefreeness. then i wouldnt be this hurt. at least. "innocent is bliss". if only..

i realised that i cannot be totally accepted into anything. places, pple, religions. haz.. coz i'm abnormal? hell ya. think so. nvm.. it's not my fault..

i guess it wouldnt matter much if my existence is ceased. there wouldnt be much difference right? life still goes on with or without me. haz.. now i'm suicidal. no, i'm not. i never thought of how to end my life. juz felt that..wat's life? nvm.

it's not my fault at all..


"if you knew what i knew, you wouldnt say wat you've said.."
- Al

Ruth-Skunk || 7:26 pm