could you hear me?

Sunday, February 27, 2005

unbalanced..

dunno.. sth's wrong with me.. suddenly lost my sense of balance the other day. juz stepped out of the train then suddenly the world seemed to tilt to one side. no, not fainty. juz unbalanced.. probably the braking of the train causes the ear fluid to be erm.. shaky? wateva that bio thingy is lah..

yea think i was feeling happier. at least i stopped some of my nonsense.. come to think of it it was quite stupid.. or maybe not..

hate to be used by anyone. as a tool. unless i'm willing to do it. but then again, i think i dug my own grave all the time. if i had learnt to say no.. but no is sometimes too powerful a word.. yes, though it could make my day better, but wat abt others.

people's person. sux. i hope sha is feeling better. being a bad guy is always easier. but hey, time heals all wounds.. ok.. most wounds.. dun worry too much now. and let them say wateva they wanna say. sometimes, it doesnt matter at all.

is being knowledgeable a factor which judges a person? actually i dun really care if u're smart or not. as long as u have a good personality, character and soul. i dun really care at all.. sometimes i wonder whether wat i see is wat i get. and when people suddenly do something unexpected, i would wonder whether that's really wat's inside of them..

lone ranger.. haiz.. where are all the rest of the people.. sometimes i hate myself for that. stupid.. i seek company i admit. but sometimes i juz went the other direction. stupid.

i realise i juz like to be the "extra" one. the one doing all the opposite of wat the rest are doing. to "stand out" from them. irritating, i know. it sucks to be me.. no, that's not wat i want. i juz want to be normal. but i cant seem to see it at times.

arghz. i'm confused..

my perspective changes real fast. like wat my sis said, i can be laughing and joking at one time and then suddenly be thinking abt things at another. no, not mood swings.. i dun think it's mood swings. actually i'm not even sure. hmm..

changing too fast, too quick. where's the old me? but the old me isnt happy either. and i dun like the new me. crabstick.

no, i'm not on the verge of breaking down.. mad.. maybe. but i'm pretty sane enough. confused probably.

i think my blog is a boring place.. hadta tag on my own chatterbox to keep it working. blah.. wat kinda shit is this.. junk..

some kinda fire is burning within me.. anger. probably.. abt wat? i dunno. i realised i'm really a useless piece of living crap. wth..

negative crapping again. dun be bothered by it. as i had said a long time ago, this blog is a great outlet of all my negativity. so "great" to be me.. *silent scream*<-- is that oxymoronic or wat..

oh i remembered that when i was young i used to believe that everything has a "soul". even books, toys and everything.. so when someone did something like slamming the tables i would feel a tinge of hurt. i guess i'm still feeling some of it now..

too late for regrets.. some things cannot be changed.. i dun seek for changes.. i only wish things would remain the same.. which is also impossible. coz all things change. i cannot even guarantee that i will never change.

worried too much. thought too much.

shut up al..


"Personality is to man as what perfume is to a flower."
Ruth-Skunk || 1:15 am