could you hear me?

Sunday, February 06, 2005

the week..

Oops. So sorry I didnt update during the pass week. Aye. Had been pretty tired for me this week. Physically and emotionally. But I'm sure i learnt alot. And I made new discoveries.


Saturday, 29th Jan. Late for my meeting for Yangzheng for an hour. Damn embarrassed lah. Coz in the first place I dont feel like going, and second, my mum made me clear up my new table for the new year. The clearing up took a long while and after finishing it, I was already late. And since I was late, it made me even more lazy to get out of the house. But in the end I still did.

They were already discussing the lesson plan halfway when I reached there. I just joined in anyway. Saw Mr Jae Chia. Wat a day.. The meeting ended in an hour or so. Chatted a while. Chunwei and I taught Daryl how to do Functions Qns 1-6 in 15 minutes. Pretty happy about it coz I hadnt done the tutorial then.

Went to Centrepoint with Whee for her contact lens stuff. Went to get a card for Nad-ma. Damn funny card. We both think that she'll love it. =) Sat down at Macs to talk abit more. Then she hadta go and I met up with Iris for the usual "date" at Suntec. She was with the band peeps. We went to eat and talk at the foodcourt. Told her some stuff. Hope things'll get better bahz. The band peeps caught up with us after some time and asked if we'ld like to go to Orchard with them. Since we dun have any plans, might as well right. They shopped for new year clothes and stuff and we took neoprints at Far East. It felt odd, but familiar. I guess it's juz me. =) Discovered myself.
---

Monday, 31st Jan. X-country. The day started with lessons in school. If you had known me well enough, you'll know that I'm the kind of person who loves a physical challenge. Yepz. So as every hour passed I'm filled with more life as I'm closer to the event. "Top 100? Top 15 perhaps?" was wat I wanted initially. Lunch came. The class was dismissed. Having no where to go and since Sarah wants to put down her stuff, she invited Jingyi, Jas and I to her place and after which we can walk to Macritchie since she said that it'll only take 15 minutes which is much faster than taking the bus. I'm still having doubts about that even now. Hahaz.

So we went to Toa Payoh Central to get safty pins for the guys and also some food as lunch. Then we took a bus to her place. She let us view her photo album, photos of her when she was young in Canada. At first we couldnt recognise her as she had long hair. But after some time, the resemblance is there.

After some 15 minutes in her home, we set off in realisation that we might be late. The journey there on foot is long. And walkin under the sun at 2 plus pm made us think whether we should turn back. But we still keep going on anyway. With Jingyi there "threatening" Sarah that she'll strangle her after the run if we were late IF we were able to get to the place in the first place. A bit of heart skipping moments came when we thought we headed the wrong direction but a call to Sarah's mum proved that we were right. And, indeed we took a long long while to get there. "Wah lao! Liddat dun need warm up liao lah," was heard from Jas and Jingyi.

Managed to get there in time. Changed and warmed up. But everything's quite messy as people were everywhere. And the waiting time to set off for the run was damn long. Played a few clapping rhythmic games with the girls. After what seemed like ages, we finally set off. In the beginning of the run, we cut off alot of girls as they were walking. "Why bother standing in the front when you're not running?" I murmered to myself. But nevertheless, 1904 girls still got together to jog. Being the competitive me, I've got the urge to be at the front again. But I learnt something. I realised that nothing beats jogging with your friends. Encouraging them and never give up on them.
~~~
"Do not walk in front of me for I may not follow.
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead.
Walk beside me like a friend."
~~~
Yepz. So I tried to jog with Sarah that day. At one part of the run she hurt her foot. The hurting look on her face made me feel really bad coz I'm the one leading her to overtake the others. Somehow I felt that if only I were careful enough she could have avoided that rock or what that thing was. She was in pain really. But she insisted on jogging because she wants to catch up with the class. And she kept asking me to go on on my own. I decided otherwise.
~~~
I'm a man of my words. If I say I'll run with you, I'll run with you.
~~~
Somehow, it made me realise how bad a friend I had been. To be neglacting the people around me I loved most. To be overly concerned about my own. I felt that I was selfish. Haiz. I dunno how others see me as. I'm still learning.

Panther House won ALL the race categories and also the HOUSE CUP! Whoo! Love Panther. =P

Sarah's ankle looked bad after the jog. Haiz. Stubborn girl. And she could say, "You got ask me to stop running meh?" when I told her that she is. We went to Mount Alvernia Hospital to "report" Sarah's ankle to her mum who works there. Then we headed to J8 to try to get Sarah a blouse for the new year. In the end she got a T-shirt instead which she said she'll wear it to class BBQ. Reached home at 8. Too tired to do homework. Too tired to blog.
---

Tuesday, 1st Feb. Met Sarah on the way to school. First time she's that late. And her ankle didnt look good too, limping all the way. A pretty long day. Had morning PE. Shucks. "Active recovery." That's so oxymoronic. I think we didnt feel any better or worser. Probably more tired after 2 rounds of 20 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, 4 i-pulls, varied times on the logs AND 4 rounds of the track which Mr Sunusi said was reduced from 6. That's very nice of him, thank you. We completed them anyway. 2nd time I ran with Sarah and Jingyi because of Sarah's ankle. No worries girl, we just wanna accompany you. =)

I guess I was overly tired out. Fallen asleep during mass civics when the principals spoke. Pardon my rudeness. I just couldnt help it. I think I looked really dead.
~~~
"You can deprive me of anything but my sleep and time with friends."
~~~
Sarah and Jingyi had CO after school. I met Iris after her last lesson ended and on the way to Band room. She looked kinda sad. She said she lost her band file and she had to photocopy them and lots of catching up with homework to do. I dont know how to help. I can only listen. Haiz. Felt so useless as a friend. She accompanied me to find out which teacher is the pdg tutor of 1704. After some time, I decided to give up. So I accompanied her to the band room after which I left after asking Sha who 1704's pdg tutor is.
---

Wednesday, 2nd Feb. Nothing much to say about that day. Probably only choir. Hail Holy Queen rocks my soul. Hahaz. Pardon me. I think Ma did a great job choreographing this song. And I can see we totally like dancing to it coz firstly, the song rocks, secondly the rhythm rocks, and thirdly, GIRLS ROCKS. Oh did I forget to mention that Hail Holy Queen is a SSA song, meaning only girls get to sing it. Hahaz. Faith fell sick. Hope she'll get better.
---

Thursday, 3rd Feb. Another long long day. Told my life journey. Actually I didnt expect myself to cry that much. After all they were past events. But still, I wasnt strong enough. I think I'm too emotional. Had been a silly person. Mistakes. All my mistakes. I realised my life had all been a big lesson for me. And I'm proud of my Dad. I couldnt stop cryin after that. Kept tearing. And I hope I didnt scare Ms Lee when I burst into tears when she came over to console me. I really thank God for her. She had been a wonderful teacher. Think I'll put up my life journey on the blog some day cause I missed out alot due to my unexpected outburst of emotion. Haiz. And also for those who didnt get the chance to see my "stunt". =S

Had afternoon PE. Warm-up. I ran really fast. I guess I juz need sometime alone. Transferred all my sadness into energy. I juz wanna release them all. I guess I was feeling better after that. Luckily we had Ms Ong. Circuits training and conditioning. And it's not as tough as Mr Sunusi's. Aye, thank goodness. Did inclined sit-ups after that. Think we all hurt our backs.

Had choir after that. Was feeling very much myself again. I thought I got the time wrong when I saw Nelson at 5:15 and I was unchanged. Luckily it's just that he came early. Phew. Dun think there'll be a next time. Gave Ma her long belated bday card and prez. Hahaz. Saw tears in her eyes. Think she love the snoopy alot. =) Learnt a new song, Luk Luk Lumba. Totally rocks.

Went home. Sis said her heart ached in the day around the time I was doin my life journey. I dont know what that means. I told her that I cried. Probably we were feeling the same feel that's all. Fell asleep studyin for Chem SPA and DE.
---

Friday, 4th Feb. Long day. Chem SPA. I thought there was DE that day. Oh wow. Wasted my time the night before. But anyway, I'm glad that there isnt. Coz I'll surely failed it and then spoil my day. GP - Test for integrity. I'm glad I passed it. I'm glad that I was well-taught. We're supposed to finish the Singlish paper. But my mind was already shut off. Stayed back after that to complete my summery and AQ. But no matter how long I stayed, my mind refused to reboot. Jing was having problems. I hope all will be well for her.

Sarah was feeling infuriated after we were asked to tear down the class deco coz we used tape. But she sorta cooled down after a while. Asked me out to JP. Went to her home to put down her books and then to mine. Ate at the hawker centre in the neighbourhood before leaving for JP. She asked the question, "Are we there yet?" mid-way of every stop. That's 14 times. Of course, we joked and stuff.

Went straight up to the library coz Sarah wanted to borrow a book. I hope she's feeling better. Hmm. Shopped around for her blouse. Finally got one. I think it'll look nice. =) Surprisingly, I thought she's more girly than me. Hahaz. I guess I cannot assume too much. =P Went around to see stuff. Found my Phantom of the Opera cd. Hahaz. I guess I couldnt wait for Faith to return my cd to me. So I decided to get another one. This time, it's the whole of the musical. Had been wanting to get it since sec 2. At least it's something done. =)

Walked Sarah home. Hmm. I think I made granddad angry. Come on. I'm not a bad girl. Have trust in me. Nvm. Went home to find that my mum wasnt back too. I stayed up to wait for her. Read Sarah's diary too. Slept at 1:45.


Saturday, 5th Feb. Woke up late. Ouch. Rushed around in time to meet Faith for choir. Aye. She's later than I am. Went to AMK to wait for the other choir pple. Then took the train to Bedok. First time talking to Clement. Find him noisy, but an still an ok person. Faith and him were talkin about Literature test on the train and how they interprete the poem. Being an not so literature person, I talked to the other members. Met Nad-ma at City Hall. Faith and I spoke to her. Haiz. I hope she doesnt get too upset by what we said. At least we cleared up the mess. Hope everything will be better if not remain as what they are. Hope we didnt start another Cold War. Hope that I didnt make the wrong choice. Hope..

Choir until 4:30. Learnt another song Dong Dong Kui. Another dynamic song. Loving it. =P I think I need more happy songs in my life. Choreo sux. We took too much time on one song. Nelson got real pissed off by "We Go Together". But our "Joyful, Joyful" is much better. Dismissed after that but I waited for Nad and Whee becoz Zinuan wanted to wait and no one was accompanying her. In the mean time we made some noises outside the hall.

Went home for dinner. Had a little quarrel with my granddad becoz he had called and asked where I was when I was in the train at Orchard. Then he called again when I was at Northpoint and he scolded me over the phone. So the moment I reached home I "thrashed out" with him. I guess I got heated up. Haiz. I'm so sorry.

Mummy cried again. I went to hug her and I cried too. I should have been strong. I told her that I told the class about Daddy during Life Journey. She said "Daddy loved you the most." After drying our tears we went to the supermarkets in the neighbourhood to get some daily neccessities. Mum bought me a new pair of shoes for the new year. Read my sis's blog. Felt sadder. Grandma nagged at me to sleep. She made herself stay up until I sleep. I flared up inside of me. I mean there's no need to torture yourself for my sake right. Juz let me do what I want.
=( Slept at 1 plus.
---

Today, 6th Feb. Woke up late. Dreamt about Dad. I'm not sure if I had cried. He felt so real when I hugged him in my dreams. Had prayers today. And early "reunion dinner". I guess that's all. And of course I spent my day typin this entry. =)


"Everytime I tried to fly, I fall. Without my wings I feel so small."
- Al

Ruth-Skunk || 9:04 pm