could you hear me?

Saturday, July 30, 2005

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Firstly, I wanna say, "Sarah, you're back!" Hahaz. You wont get this from me "offline" cause I dunno how to show it. *shrugz* I'll juz feel kinda warm and fuzzy inside and have this smile on my face. Yea. I think.. Hahaz. Anyway I'm so glad you're back. And safe. =)

Ok. I'm juz being me again. Senseless creep I am. Somethings I've realised. Things need not be complicated to tell a moral story. A simple one, one you see in everyday's life can provoke an entire chain of reactions. Emotions, one of the things which compels a person to do things, one of the things which makes a human, human, when put into good use, can be an excellent weapon. Reasoning doesnt work as well as playing on the feelings of the individuals. Like me, no matter how much evidence you give to prove that Jesus got resurrected or that Noah's ark exist, you just wont make me believe. But just a simple heart-wrenching story about God's love or why Jesus die for us would greatly enchant me. As simple as that. Goes to show that "you don't need to wait for the answers before you step out in faith!" Hahaz. I read a book. It emphasized about the presence of God's love is always there. That when you are down and grief, He's the only one who knows and understands exactly how you feel. And He's always there, giving you comfort and it's only up to you whether you wanna receive this love. Because He loves you so much. He gave us the free will of choice. He even gave His one and only son to redeem our sins.

Change, I think I did change alot. Especially these one plus years. I'm like so wild yet so tamed. Everything just buzzed pass me and it will never be the same again for me. Home will never feel the same. Definations of various other things has changed too. But I'm glad that everything has stabilized. Even though I can by no means redefine them again, but I'll make the best out of everything I have.

I realised that my previous post has stirred a bit of an uproar. My perspective had changed alot. I realised that we can never be too rationale. Faith is so much powerful. It is also the opposite of being rationale. It is defined as a silent trust to God, belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. It's just the same concept as trusting someone you love to back you up. But this trust exceeds all others as God is invisible. You cannot see Him or feel Him like any person on earth. He transcends all material. It's like air. You cannot see it, you cannot literally touch it, but you know it is there. I know air is not a good example to show that He is not present as we all know that air is a matter as it takes up space. But I remembered a joke which I read off from this urban legend site which might be useful in my stand.

"A college class was led by an atheist professor, and every day he'd stand in front of his class and say, "Have you ever seen God?" to which nobody would answer. Then he'd ask, "Have you ever felt God?" and nobody would answer. Finally he'd ask, "Have you ever heard God?" and, like the other times, nobody would answer. He then would say, "It is obvious that there is no God."

One day a Christian student had been having an extremely bad day; her car broke down, her mother was sick, her boyfriend was out of town, and she'd gotten a bad grade on one of her exams. She had been fed up with her professor's little act every morning, so she decided to do something about it.

While the professor stood up at the beginning of class and did his thing, the student had an idea. She got up and said, "Professor, would you mind if I said something?" He said, "Of course not. This is an expressive classroom, and I think it would be fine if you spoke your mind."

The girl said to the class, "Have you ever seen our professor's brain?" and nobody answered. Then she asked, "Have you ever felt our professor's brain?" and nobody answered. Finally she asked, "Have you ever heard our professor's brain?" and, like the other times, nobody answered.

She then said, "It is quite obvious that our professor has no brain." "

Yepz. There's more of such jokes at the bottom of the post. I love these jokes. =)

With regards to life, I havent started busyin myself yet. I am just glad that He had heard my pleas and answered my prayers. There is still some tremors here and there which shake my life a bit now and then. Now that at least I had tried, it is just up to the individuals whether they want to change themselves or not. I have done my part. Whether this has improve our relationship or spoiled it I don't actually really care. What matters most is that you're happy, others are happy, then I'll naturally feel the same way too. Life is all about reflecting itself. If there's no obstacles in it, one will have no need to reflect what went wrong and change for the better because in the first place there will be no such thing as "better". It's all about perspectives.

This week. There's so much things happening. To me. To the others. In times of stress, one can break down. But what may be wrong here is that perhaps one has set too high targets for oneself to accomplish. I know targets are good in the sense that they set a goal for one to strive to so as to ensure efficiency, productivity and improvement in the process and a great sense of achievement when it is done. But too high an expectation may lead to over-stressing oneself up as it is unreachable and the time spent will appear fruitless. I did not say that it is all bad, but it really worries people around most when they see that one is not behaving oneself. The haggard posture and the tired, downcast, worried appearance indeed bring about alot of concern. Remember, friends around cares. =) At least that is what I have learnt.

I see the ugly side of humanity. Maybe not humanity as a whole, that would be a sweeping statement wouldn't it? But in times of trouble, every living creature will inevitably fight for their own survival. In any areas of life, in work, in studies, everyone strives to get the best for themselves. As such, time is important as it determines whether you get the best or not. In Singapore's context, Kiasu-ism is the term for it. I think I have enough of it. Seen too much of it that I have nothing much to say. Personalities are opening up. The picture gets clearer. And it does surprise me to some extent. Perhaps it's the stress. But I think the most I can do is to shake my head and remain silent and pretend I did not see them.

I've realised some of the folly that I have been. To blurt ideas without thinking and judge people. I felt so bad the other day. I just muttered something hurting. Though the subject did not hear it, the people around might have. Not that I'm afraid that they'll tell the subject what they heard, as I'm past caring about how they judge me, but it's just that I know that it's wrong that I say that. To think that other people judge others is bad: they speak their views, gossip behind their backs, paint a one-sided opinion on others; and now I'm the one who did it, I felt so wrong. I feel that to judge a person based on what they did is wrong. And I'm regretting what I did. Who am I to judge? Who are we to judge? If you want to say something bad behind about others, say it like what you will in front of them. If you have the courage to tell them about their bad points in their face, then it's justifiable to do it behind. If you don't, then don't paint an ugly picture about them behind others.

"If you must speak ill of another, do not speak it . . . write it in the sand near the water's edge."
- Napoleon Hill

I still have some barriers on my own character. I'm not perfect. But it's not a good excuse to use. I still can't get over my own pride. I don't know why. I'm trying really hard. But it always seems that I get back to square one all the time. I'm angry at myself. For this trait of mine. I haven't been thinking. Saying things that hurt instead of encouraging words. Folly, I have. Have not think through the consequences before I act. I'm just so dumb. Have been hit by mockery and taunt. Hurtful. My self-esteem was hit terribly these few days. But it's my own fault. Who can I blame but myself? It's not their fault. Since I cannot change them, I can only change myself. Cause it's because of the existence of my weaknesses will such scenerios happened. Thus I dun blame them, only myself. I'm not encouraging judgment here, but it's only because of the presence of negative points will judgment occur. If everyone's perfect, there wont be judgement. There won't be mockery. There won't be taunt. There won't be a hit of low self-esteem. There won't be loneliness.

Cried. Shallin's right. When everything just felt too overwhelming, one has to let it out in someway or another. I can't seem to do things in front of others. I hid back in that corner of the depressed room, under the blanket of loneliness and let it all out. And the more tears I rolled, more I wanted to cry it out loud. But I feared that the others could hear it. And silent cries echoed throughout the room. For an entire half an hour, before I gained enough comfort to stop. The call for duties of the day reeled me back to reality. Responsiblity I have to keep. Pretence, I'm good at that.

Felt that I've drifted some distance away. Why did this happen? It's just myself I guess. It's my own fault. Sorry.

The words of Char's dad kept ringing through my head. "Why don't you put down all your burden on to Him? He's there to carry them for you, but you refused." I'm letting go some. But there are still alot of things I havent. It's just my character I guess. Stubborn.

Gave up typing. I'm never gonna finish this. My train of thoughts just keeps coming at random intervals. -.-

Oh. The jokes I promised..
---

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists? A student bravely replied, "Yes, he did!"

"God created everything? The professor asked.

"Yes sir", the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil". The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.
---

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God.

He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. The professor kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Marine just released from active duty, and newly registered in the class, walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from his platform.

The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine replied, "God was busy, so He sent me."
---

Alleluia to the Lord of Heaven and Earth.

"You're my life when life is gone..."
- Al
Ruth-Skunk || 12:25 pm