could you hear me?

Saturday, October 08, 2005

trying..

Had been trying real hard to keep myself awake after 10pm. This is really bad.. Haiz..

Cried yesterday again. Until the compre ended. Emotion just overwhelmed me I guess. It's always like that. I guess that event had really made me really weak emotionally. But I'm glad laoshi talked to me. Get to tell her my problems. I think she's really a nice teacher. Somehow I feel that I cannot let those who had believed in me down. If not I'll be a useless jerk.

Felt I'm slowly drifting away from Him. My freethinking self is back to rule my mind. Haiz. I used to feel real when I'm with Him. Now I'm just acknowledging that it's real. I know I shouldnt. And there are alot of things which I still rebuke against as a Christian. I'm like stuck halfway everywhere. Haiz. Help..

That last time I cried at home, I felt some presence trying to comfort me. I kept crying out to God for someone to hold me in his or her arms. I think I felt it. Maybe it was Him. Or maybe just an angel He sent down. Either way I still felt some comfort. To cry even more.

The last time I ever did had someone to hold me when I cried was last year. Now I'm just sobbing on my own..

Laoshi said I shouldnt just keep to myself to study on my own and remained stuck there. I tried. But my pride wont let me. Can someone removed this from me? I tried really hard.

3 more weeks to go. Laoshi said this is really the last lap ler. I want to camp overnight to mug..
Ruth-Skunk || 11:03 am