could you hear me?

Monday, September 26, 2005

pain

Actually I have nothing to say about my results. As usual. Disappointing. Seeing that everyone else is improving and here I am stuck at this bottomless pit. As time passed and more papers were given out, I could no longer hide my own disappontment. I chose to run away and hide.

What kind of a friend am I? Friends are supposed to share their joys, sorrow and worries with each other. All the time I've only kept to myself. It felt as if I've locked myself in a cell and threw away the key. I've tried to search for the key though, but it felt as if I've threw it out of reach from the cell. Few had tried to find it and they're always the wrong ones.

Walked myself back home. Tried not to think of the results. Tried to assure myself that it's alright to be alone. Cause I know my Father is always with me. But what is this feeling I felt? This which is so familiar. This which revisited me every so often. This sadness. This pain. Almost burst into tears but I held on to them. "Don't cry, Liru. Don't cry," is all I could tell myself.

Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

Time can bring you down; time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven
---

I met my dad in my dreams last night. This time I wasnt afraid of him. I even went up to hug him. And he carried me around like a little girl. I really missed him a lot. I guess dreams are the only places I could see him. Cause I know in the end I will not be able to meet him again. Ever.

He told me to trust in Jesus. I will.

It's still so hard to let go..
Ruth-Skunk || 3:06 pm