could you hear me?

Sunday, February 19, 2006

crazy.glow skin glow.thanks.discouraged.anger.God

I think Jie might think I'm crazy. Quite high when I was at her place in the afternoon. Then just the moment before going home I was quite stoned. Yea. Nodded off in the bus. I think the guy sitting beside me was quite intimidated. Haha. Oops.

Aye, last night skin was glowing red. Heh. And bleeding and... Lol. I'll spare the details. But it was quite bad, so bad that I cant grasp my hand. Yea, and got Jie nagging at me online. I was typing with one hand though. xP Doctor doctor.. Haiz. Shall see lah. Seriously. If God wants me to be healed, I will eventually be. But if I'm meant to stay this way, then no matter how many doctors I visit I also wont get healed.

Maybe we're too close? Haha. Don't know la. Not that I don't like it. But it's so weird. Sometimes it feels right, sometimes it doesnt: it felt not here nor there. Dunno how to say also. =T

And I cant get angry. Or rather, I get pissed off easier but cant seem to reach the anger line. I don't want you to worry about me but I want your concern as well. I want to listen to your daily stories too. I want to sit together and marvel at the universe as well. I want to talk but silence will do just fine too. Thanks Jie. Thanks Rah. Sometimes I just wanna rush down to meet you. Sometimes I feel so helpless when I couldnt do anything. Sometimes I want to worry about you. But most of the time you wouldn't let me. Thanks for all your heartwarming hugs. Thanks for a shoulder to lend when I needed one. Thanks for wiping my tears from my heart by being there when I cry. Thanks for being such a great example to follow. Thanks for all the life lesson you've taught me or go through with me. Love you lots!

Knuckles hurting.. Dont tell me it's rheumatism. Nah.. Thinking too much. Job? Haha.

Everyone has been quite discouraging. Even my own mum. "Quit the job lah.." Haiz. If God gave me a job, I think He expects me to do a very good one. Yes there are many bad things about my job, but this job really taught me one thing. To be entirely dependent on Him for anything and everything. And I've always managed to go home with a smile on my face because of this.

Angry. Is really powerful. Like on Fri night when I missed 20 calls from home. My mum la. Just kept calling. Average 1 call every 3 mins. Haiz. That includes the ringing time. Zzzz.. I actually intended to scold my mum when I got home. But God's word rang in my head. That a word of anger will create more anger. It's hard. And in my mind I've already composed a long "speech" for my mum. But when I returned she was asleep. She brought her anger with her to bed. Arghz. Bad.. I was quite pissed till I do my QT. The bible is the best comforter. =) Slept with a comforted heart.

Ok.. I think I exceeded the time for my own curfew. Oops.

And all in all, thank You Father for everything! Thank You for being You. =) I love You!
Ruth-Skunk || 12:17 pm