could you hear me?
Monday, February 13, 2006
Vitamin C: comfort
Tired out. Seriously. Mentally and physically. Due to job. The stamina I have to build. Haiz. The mental strain is worse than physical one. Everything just shouts at you. Haiz. Vitamin C: comfort. I really need lots of it.
Just bought a book, "TouchPoint for Hurting People" on friday before cell. It was the last on the shelf. I thought I wont need it since the study bible has sth similar at the back. The first topic in the book touched me deeply. Maybe God wanted to talk to me so desperately. Haiz. He knows I need lots of healing..
Abandonment
Does my suffering mean that God has abandoned me?
After you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. - 1 Peter 5:10
Rather than abandoning us when we suffer, God moves in to help us and comfort us with his presence. You may feel alone in your suffering, but God has compassion on and promises an eternal reward waiting for you.
Will God abandon me during my difficult times?
Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. - Psalm 27:10
We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. - 2 Corinthians 4:9
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, have never abandoned anyone who searches for you. - Psalm 9:10
Even if those on whom you rely desert or neglect you during difficult times, God never will. In fact, your difficulties can become the means to experience God's presenc even more intimately. When you face difficult times, you can trust that God has not abandoned you. Instead, he holds you close.
PROMISES FROM GOD
I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor, who will never leave you. - John 14:16
I will never fail you. I will never forsake you. - Hebrews 13:5
The job is giving me lots of problems. My skin on my fingers are cracking. The seafood (which i ate some long time ago, but my skin didnt heal) and the detergents and food gravy etc irritates the skin. Got some rashes on my arms now. Sad.
I'm so glad that you're doing fine on your own now. Perhaps my job is done? Like how it is done to me. I dont know how far our future together will get. Actually I dont really think that far. You seemed to be doing so well. And I'm like the one who keeps coming to you for help. Ok, maybe cause you're my senior that's why.
I just hoped that I didnt make things seemed wrong.
Isolation. Just me and the sky above. God's light pouring on me, enjoying His presence, without the screamings of the world.
If only you understand.. Cause there isnt another who can take time off to company me to just enjoy His presence without a word spoken. Just the two of us and God.
I felt so evil. Felt so two-faced. Crapified. This isnt me. Hmm.. Or maybe it is. I can be very nice. I can be very mean. People have seen my mean side. Haiz. Cant help it, especially if I'm like really pissed or very tired. I dont think many has seen me shouted or sth. In anger. I did a few times, at the beginning of JC1, 19/04. Anger. Is indeed scary.
I'm not perfect. No one is.
Plotting against him. Sounds evil I know. I'll use to word cunning here. But if he is also planning stuff with me about you. I dont see where this both thing will go. It's either me hurting you or him. I dont want that to happen. I dont want to see you so worked up again. I'll rather hurt him than you. I know, God wants us to be all loving people. Haiz. I think I'll just stop here. I wont help anyone. But if he really goes out of hand.. I dont know..
I hate to be stuck in the middle. Hmm.. I'll get myself out. Somehow. Maybe I should really have learnt from Rah..
Yes, yes, yes. I'm feeling lonely now. I mean. No one seems to understand. No one seems to comprehend me. No one seems to be on my frequency. God, my God.. If only You're here alive. Then I can see You, and talk to You. But I know this spiritual relationship takes more than that. But God, You seemed the only one who I can talk to. The only one who I can cry out to. Yet in the midst of tears You understand. Without words You know my heart. Can I cry out again? I need Your healing touch.
I'm just feeling empty. Sad. I cant seem to see the world. The vision is lost. Everything seemed to have lost its meaning. All except one. Our purpose on earth. To save more souls. I just cant seem to fully put down everything. Although I really put as many things aside already. My family relationships, my friendships.
I guess it's good to start afresh somewhere else. Where no one really knows you. Where no one knows the old you. There I can be free. I can proclaim my faith, without contradicting my old life.
Haiz.. If only someone understands me.
Ruth-Skunk || 12:54 am
