could you hear me?

Monday, January 30, 2006

pure mishap

How could this happened to me? Aye. In a pure irritable state. With everyone screaming at me. Mum, then grandpa, then sis. And my bro is just irritating as usual.

Felt as if no one understands me at home. And I simply gave up tryin to explain my way out. The last time I did, I just simply shouted at my mum, "Can you just trust me?" The words came out right, the tone didnt. Simply regretted it, but she stopped nagging, but it's not worth it.

I know that you know that I'm alright.
And you know that I know too.
But why is it that I hold so much sadness in my eyes?
Why do I hide them behind the smiles?
Why Father? I know that You know why.
And You know that I know too.

You're a Father to the fatherless, the answer to my dreams.
I see you crowned in righteousness, we cry, "Glory to the King."
Comforter to the lonely, lifter of my head.
I see you veiled in majesty, we cry, "Glory, glory."
We cry, "Glory to the King.."

Why Father? Why do I always feel so sad?
Is it that I cant seem to put down the past?
Or is the truth so hurting, and I'm so yearning
For everyone to see the light.
To see You..

Why is it like when you're at home but it doesnt feel like it anymore? Why do I sense a lack of love? Why do they not see things the way I see them? Why do they not see the light? Why do they seek in other sources of spiritual fulfillment when there is already one so freely given yet not accepted? Why do I feel sad when I hear people say, "I'll see them in heaven."?

Maybe I'm really have not let go yet. I'm feeling really dry now. It seemed like I cant sense Him. Maybe I'm holding on to my past so much and feeling so much that I seem to have lost Him. I shouldnt and I know I shouldnt. God please help me back to You.

The baptism. Del said that when she did, everything fall into place. I'm not too sure about that. It felt really good on the spiritual side, but everything else seemed to fall apart. Something I must go through I guess.

Jesus said that we must put down everything and take up the cross and follow Him. It's hard. But I shall try. God give me strength and courage.
Ruth-Skunk || 12:47 am