could you hear me?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

dead

Oh God.. Why.. I'm feeling so sad.. So down. You know exactly the reason why right? I'm so sick of all this. I've been leaning closer and closer to Satan. Feeling angry, scared and depressed all at the same time. So scared.. What happened to me? Save me Father.. I realised I can't just talk to anyone about it. I'm afraid. So scared.. So sad. Father, talk to me, guide me back to You please? Release me from that Satan's grasp.. I don't want any part of him anymore. I know I had done You wrong. You've seen me cry out to You. Why can't You just pick me up? Why must I go through this.. Why must You put this sadness in me? Why can't I give my old self to You? Please take it away from me. I don't want it. But I get myself to give it to You. Satan's making me do all the bad stuff. I'm just so so sad.. All I want is to be back with You. No one else. Please Father. I repent.. Help me throw my old-self away. Where is Jesus when I needed Him the most... Where's all Your angels? Are they still here? Are You looking after me? Are they around to guide me? To save me?

Dried out.. Totally dried out..

Sad.. And exhausted from crying.. Sad..

I need You right now..

Please punish me Father..

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused...

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...

To know all is dangerous. I'm scared.. I can't seem to defend myself.. I can't seem to get the right mind in me. I can't.. Ignorance is such a bliss. Why can't I have it? Why can't I be naive for all things. Why do I seek to know so much it became a tool to harm myself? Why can't I put down everything to follow You?

My heart is bleeding from all the harm. My spirit is dried up and to the brim of dying. I don't want to give up everything now that I've gone so far with You. Help me.. This spiritual battle is exhausting. God help me..
Ruth-Skunk || 4:15 pm