could you hear me?

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Life Story

hmm.. i dun really call this a full life story. it's juz a short walkthru. haz.. right.

youngest years..
when i was young, i couldn't really remember much. i was always tryin to be someone else. i remembered that i was really boyish. short hair, punky. my mum always wants me to wear dresses and skirts. which i dun really enjoyed. i liked orange at this time. dunno why too. i remembered that when i was even younger, like nursery times? i was rather naughty. maybe rebellious? i have no idea. i only remembered that i was always caned by my mum for sth i've done. i'll be crying and screamin in pain and i'll run to my grandma and she'll protect me.

i remembered one day when i was in my kindergarten years, i woke up early without my grandparent's morning call and i helped my grandma with the clothes hanging. she was so happy she gave me this jade pendent. i was really surprised and happy. come to think of it, it was nothing much i've done really. haiz..

sail on, sail on, we'll ride the widest storm..
onwards to primary schooling. my school was not the bestest of them all. Naval Base Primary. i guess that my batch is the last of the better batch of them all. everyone's wild and stuff. they dun really care about the school rules. i remember that when i was like in lower primary, the prefects were the damn fiercest people ard. scared of them sia. then as they leave, there isn't anyone to control us. i remembered i topped the class for mid-year in pri 2. guess the paper was easy.

on to primary 3-4, i became a prefect myself. like duh, glorified to wear that red tie. still remember when i was in pri 4, i was in-charge of shooin pple off from the bookshop when the bell went off. well, didnt do a great job coz i dunno how to shout at pple. my form teacher, who also belongs to the discipline department, saw me and reprimanded me for my mis-duty. she taught me how to shout at pple. hahaz.. so yea, i started to feel that i had power over sth.

i knew this boy classmates when in P4. we hanged out almost everyday at playgrounds. catching and stuff liddat. we used to be rather close. but then, sth happened. i couldn't remember wat. i juz broke up with him. haz.. not really break up lah. it's juz like "jue2 jiao1" liddat. stopped talkin to him and hangin with him after that. during the end-year leaving ceremony, the P6 prefects sang this "Journey" song by 911. it was the nicest one. we cried when we heard that. so touching. =')

P5, was supposed to be in-charge in maintaining the P1s during assembly which was held at the canteen for them(it was the afternoon session so no flag-raising). well, me and a classmate-cum-good friend was i/c of one class. this class was ok at first, coz no one knew each other. as time goes by, they became notorious. nothing worked, scolding didnt work. there was this once when they went overboard. they angered me so much i started to cry. i stormed off to the benches at the back and cried. the kids saw wat happened and apologised. haiz..

one major thing happened. i remembered that i had a great circle of friends. then one day, we were jokin ard. and i sorta like hit one of my great pals with this file of mine. wrong move. she ran away. i thought she'll be ok the next day. i was wrong. i wrote a letter of apology to her. didnt accepted it. my prefect classmate-cum-friend was stuck between us. during this time, there were lotsa tension, sadness, and loneliness. haiz.. then my prefect friend was goin thru alot at that time too. it continued to P6.

P6. psle. haz.. lotsa practices and stuff. no time for anything else too. there was no tension ler. only cold war. no one's talkin to each other. this dragged on till nearing psle. maybe time does heal the soul. we sorta like got along again by a game of hide and seek ard school. i guess everything works out fine. after psle, my family brought us to Australia for a trip. love that place. and i sorta like got rather high score for psle when i came back. was feeling really happy. the thing is, i didnt get to see my friends after that. sad..

to a new environment.. ever onwards andersonians!
sec school. it was the greatest man. sec 1 was, well, not bad.. as i enter a school of great challenges. everyone's from a good primary school. aitong, chij, northland and stuff. and me? NBPS. wow. like who can get to Anderson Secondary from NBPS? it was hard. the culture was good. everyone's of the best behaviour, unlike the primary school. it kinda felt like an upgrade of class. it was cool. everyone has style and stuff. though there were some lifeless pple ard too but all was great.

sec 2- kinda like built up this small friendship with 3 others. one of them was my good pal. she had been on my side all this time. to school and stuff. but she was also close to the other 2. they were always gossiping about pple and their own personal stuff. i wasn't included coz i wasnt bothered abt such nonsensical stuff. so most of the time i was on my own. i sorta like group hopped ard. the usual. and i mixed ard with everyone except for some. i dunno.. many 'families' started to spring up too.

i got my 'ah-ma'. hahaz. she's always with my 'father'(i acknowledged her in sec 3 i think) and zammy will be ard too. we used to hang ard after school if there's no CCA and would draw on the whiteboard. we'll also conjured up dance steps for songs but we never made it to perform. but we had fun.. i remembered the private corridor we had outside our class, coz we're the corner class, and the small platform on the other side of the railings which we used to climb over it and sat there like nobody's business with our feet dangling over the building. it was scary for zammy. he screamed for help whenever we faked a fall or sth. haz. i remembered that i took a soprano recorder there and played "More Than That" with ah-ma's singing. we were crazy about bsb at that time. teared when we sang "How Did I Fall In Love With You" all the time..

choir was cool. became the asst. SL coz there are only 2 sec 3s ard and they dun come to choir often. learnt to teach music. it was cool, and there's alot to learn from tong (SL) even though she was not really musically literate. the way that she teach is "wow". i'ld be usually correcting her(if there is any mistakes which isn't that often so i was slackin most of the time =P) or be listening at the back and seeing that everyone is paying attention. sometimes tong would want me to take charge. but i'll usually be "er.. how ah? hahaz.." but yea, got teach abit lah..

sec 3, everything's a mess. the class was splitted up. was kinda glad and sad at the same time. all my good friends were scattered. my pal was in the other class. but i still have zammy and ah-ma. but they have their own click. i remembered stuck btw 2 other geminians in the seating arrangement. had a 'hell of a time' (and i meant hell). wrote a letter of complaint to my form teacher and she sorta like asked about me. so the next arrangement was great, i sat next to ah-ma and her new click. it was fun and also inspiring coz they are the pple who does work at home and slack in school.. haiz.. still learning from them..

became the vp of the choir with zammy. it really rocks. pres was tk. at first we hated each other's attitude. but as time passes, we learnt to get together to do many stuffs. like the "Amazing Race". damn, it was hard lor, even i dunno the answer when i first saw it. the times we spent doin up the race and the makin of the "medals", the times doin the bbq and clearing up was unforgettable. and also we had the "beauty and the beast" concert with FMSS. the training and stuff is hard but fun.

sec 4. O'levels. haiz.. times of piaing(abit) and SYF was memorable. tried really hard to get a chalet/outing done but it never worked out.. had this choir board set up(not the school one. only the 3 of us are i/c of it).. me and tk kept contact with each other over the phones. convos like memories of the past 3++ years kept coming.. teared abit here and there. but i remained calm when we gave our parting speech. haiz.. could have cried, but i didn't. hmm.. guessed i didn't wanna show my other self.. =( after leaving, we had our prep prelims, prelims and Os.. but we kept goin back for choir prac to hear them.. though we really felt that we're xtra but it's sth u dun see from other seniors u know.. then there's the times when i spent studyin in the nice container block. there's a little bit of erm.. sth lah.. (tk will know =P) yea.. had been coachin.. great training for me.. hahaz.. then there was this thought of really joinin back ms lim's NJ choir(coz we certainly can't get in HC mahz).. we went for this choir audition the day after bio pract. manz it really spoiled our mood lorz.. we flunged it coz we didn't practice our minors well enough.. haiz.. right.. no one but one girl got in.. after that we had some kinda small heated talks.. after that, i didn't talk to tk for a very long time, until after the Os.. right.. obviously i flunged my Os coz of that.. for once i find myself doin sth i dun wanna to.. no mood to study. for me, friends are my priority.. i place them before myself. anything goes wrong, i cannot go on. well didn't really score that well lor.. coz i was having high expectations for my chem and phy. shitz.. dun wanna talk bout it..

after Os.. well had been goin out like forever.. not really.. i'm a fairly homely person.. i can stay at home and interact too.. =D nevertheless i have been settin time aside for everyone else. my juniors and friends.. i think i like this time the best. no stress(ok maybe a bit lah.. tk will know wat i mean again =D), had fun.. totally enjoyed myself.. maybe with some exception.. faith brought me to City Harvest for the first time in my life.. well wasn't that use to it.. the jammin and the cameras.. is not really wat i expect of a church.. i like the quiet benchy ones u see.. it's really nice to be with God(whicheva one) once in a while.. yea..

non mihi solum.. the richness of humanity?!?
am here.. AJ.. well the first thing i like abt AJ is it's motto. non mihi solum. it meant "not for myself, alone".. wow! it sounded really nice. i see abit of myself in it. yepz. the OG rocks to the core. met wheegeok. couldnt believe that she's the cedar girls choir pres.. so not like pres liddat.. hahaz.. gonna get a whackin soon.. =X yea. it was nice but i think i wasn't that open to others yet. still confine in the world of my own. yea.. so i didnt' really participated much in the outings.. so sorry.. then i got my new classmates.. well.. lotsa comments but won't say it here.. but overall it still rocks to the core manz.. it was unlike any class i've ever been.. at first i was still in my own world. with huixian's(my ex-classmate from AndSS) company only.. then i met the very interesting victor and iris. hahaz.. right.. iris is really nice.. she's my buddy in the class with hx(coz last 3 girls in the register mahz.. so put us together).. yea.. then i started laming with her. vicky will come and disturb her. then we'll team up and pick on him.. hahaz.. well.. didn't try ponning lessons.. maybe a few.. i remembered the last english tutorial.. "the sacrificers this way(to the class), the run-aways that way (to nexus - AJ's lounge)" hahaz.. that victor.. he's a lamer.. but he's literary works are really good.. will never forget HPG and many more creations of his.. haiz.. well at least he's still here.. <=\ then the new term starts.. well, i sorta like dun really like my new OG. dunno why.. juz felt that they are different. haiz.. of course i sticked to myself again.. then the segregation of the PAE 2204. cried my first time in AJ. it was really bad.. haiz.. can i say again, do not comfort me. juz leave me alone. if not i'll cry even harder.. haiz.. got use to the class.. still dun really like the guys.. damn it.. comparing to PAE 22/04, they are worlds apart.. haiz.. eli and jean came over.. me and jasper hanged together with them. then sarah and jingyi came along. the grp's growin. haz.. not bad.. studies got on me.. h/w too.. do not evade from them. they'll juz suck the life out of u if u did.. haiz.. so yea..


so that's a really brief story. 17 years.. i think i've really seen most of life.. had matured enough. felt happiness, sadness, anger, loneliness. found solitude, the peace in me, ways to get me happy again(not all the time). so i'm not really that scared of it.. (or am i??) i dunno. that's for me to show and for u to find out..


Ruth-Skunk || 8:33 pm