could you hear me?

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Unfeelingness..

Update: Studies
ok. had gotten a shock to see my poor result for maths. was dead shitified by it. though it's a pass, but its a really weak pass. chem, fine a pass. a worser pass. so i got thru to nxt year. econs: ok. passed that too. quite surprising. i was expecting a fail for that. gp: crap lah. juz pass only. sux. i thought i did better than that. =(

GP - C6, Econ - C, Math - C, Chem - C, Clao - B3

hmm. straight Cs. damn irritated. think i need help. =S

Update: CCA open hse
overall: boring. but the mini performances and the main one are not bad. choir, nothing to say. CO is so fun. hahaz. band was pretty on. dance, well, eli explained the dance to me. poor thing, her hand got swollen. haiz.. wushu, not bad. maybe a bit messy at some parts. the girls from other schools keep leaving. hahaz. guitar, ok lah. at least it's neat at most parts. harmo, hmm.. u know, i know.. did i miss anything?
~oOo~

abt the opn hse thingy. dear faith ah. u came so late. then regret after that. see lah. haiz. neh mind. then i hadta rush back college after sendin her to amk stn. stupid student council. cant they juz follow the plan they set. felt so busted after the rush. didnt sing that well. but at least i had fun irritating lynnette with the jungle song. hahaz. still think that mark cant conduct. he cant control us. too bad. but we gave him some face. not that we cant follow. we dun wan to. sad case for him.
~oOo~

dear sarah, i dunno whether u're seeing this but i juz want u to know that we guys are worried about u. i mean, not that we meant to offend you by keep askin u whether u're fine or not but we're really concern. we dunno what u are goin thru right now but we really wanna help you out, if u only let us. so please, if u need any listening ears, juz come to us. we'll always be there for you, like how u'd always been there for me.
~oOo~

days passed by so fast. 49 days had passed. uncountable number of ups and downs experienced and many feelings had been expressed. sometimes i really dunno whether i should be doin or feelin what i am supposed to feel. many secrets were out. confused abt who i am. am i supposed to be me? who knows. i might not be myself. so screwed.

sometimes i wondered wat happened if i were born a year earlier. i may be more accomplished than wat i am now. i may be more matured. but i'm not sure. for one thing i know, i'ld had missed out on all the friendships and the experience gained. i may not even be born into this family. good and bad sides of the situation. wat's done is done. and it's not my fault. headache.

oh wellz. whole body didnt feel right these few weeks. think i lack the physical workout. went to jog and swim with my mum(for both) and bro(the swim only) last sunday. felt so great after that, although abit tired, it kept me alive. juz needa move ard. hey, i'm a active person k. dun think i always juz sit there at the class table and do nothing but think and cry and slack. i like movements and i like interpersonal relationships too.

my bro had been a, well, disappointment? gaming all day long. heard that he didnt do very well too. wat the heck. failed 2 subs but overall pass. "i'm gonna score 4As.." yea right.. *roll eyes* God will only help those who help themselves. i learnt alot from it. him? still waitin for him to wake up from his delusions. haiz.

how much can one give? it somehow depends on how much one can take too. i was asked why i am so inconsistent in my sense of belonging. i didnt answer the qns. coz i'm afraid that my answer is not valid. if everyone's happy, i'll be happy. i dun really care whether i benefit from it. i think that i'm a people person. i dun stick to one grp all the time. i mess ard. so somehow i felt that i mess up my grp too. made them felt that i actually jumped grps. but no, dun mistake me. i'm juz socialising.

sometimes i may be cold. not that i am acting cool or sth. i'm not cool and i know it. i juz wanna be alone to think abt some things. but sometimes, i am alone. even though i may have some pple ard me, i'm not exactly occupied by them. i'm by myself and i need company. sometimes i'm juz down. probably it's not a very good day? wellz. i'm not sure.

had been pretty busy with PW the past weeks. haiz. pia-ed till 1-3 am in the morn. so sianz of it. i need a rest. and today was, wellz, pretty ok. prayed to my dad. hope that he really goes to heaven. mum dreamt of him again some nights ago. it was quite an ok dream. not gonna put the details here. ask me for it if u wanna know more.

had been talkin to dage these few days. got to know abt each other more. history and stories are nice to hear. i prefer chating face to face to over the net. can see their facial expressions and can determine a better reaction. maybe.. for some pple who are shy, well think internet chat may work better. <-- i'm not hinting who coz there are also alot of pple who i chatted online more than i talk to.

wellz.. sick of staring at words.. haiz.. off to play some games and slack.. hope life is gettin back on. hope everything goes well for everyone. hope everyone is happy. wishin everyone health and luck. and God bless you all! Alleluia!

"Here i am so alone, and there's nothing in this world i can do.."
- Al

Ruth-Skunk || 1:03 am