could you hear me?

Monday, May 23, 2005

doesnt feel like a sunday.. doesnt feel like i'm alive..

super sianz today. dunno why also. not pms ok. i know it when it's pms. dunno why. very irritable. dun believe u can ask my sis. haiz. sth's wrong.

grandpa's bday. and i had to be the last to wake up. crapz. fine. helped out with a lil. skipped breakfast and went straight to lunch.

mum popped the qns.. "are you goin to convert? your sister said you are.." i was damn shocked.. inside of me was like "sister... =.=" i didnt answer her. was afraid of her reaction. then she said "if you think that God can help you with your life then go lor. i wont stop you." i was shocked even further.. haiz.. i never thought she would have said that. cuz she was the type who would go against anything that's against her. suddenly feelings overwhelms me. somehow i felt that i havent done my job properly. haiz.. i love you, mum.

tuned the violin successfully today without the aid of the comp today. hahaz. so happy. cuz all the fingerings fall into place. =p played happy b'day on it. and long2 de4 chuan2 ren2 (direct translation= decendents of the dragon). love that piece. hahahz. thanks to CO. =) played loads of other junks on it. (becoz i couldnt play well so everything is "junky".)

Naruto!! stupid bro kept playin diablo2, didnt let me watch naruto.. and when i asked him he said, "okok, coming out ler." yah right. he's still playin now lah..

feeling uncomfortable. haiz. slept from 5:30 till 6:30 i think. tired. woke up for dinner when they called all of us to eat. buffet apparently. those ordered ones. ok lah.. alot of meat. blehx.

looked at the clock at 8.. they should have started already. band and co concert. haiz.. still feelin sad that i couldnt go watch them. hadta be stuck at home with a bunch of noisy boys and adults. and all sources of entertainment were taken up. couldnt play the violin too. felt very irritated..

celebration was ok la. somehow, i dun really feel happy. a year havent passed yet. couldnt sense the happiness within me. hadta be normal though. if not the adults will grumble again.

played back the photos taken on the tv thru cable. then there were pics of grandpa's b'day last year. saw my dad in some of them.. i could see my grandpa holdin back his feelings. haiz. my aunt was like "oh there's ur daddy." i juz smiled and said, "ya.."

haiz. i'm not caring anything else. i juz want those who i love to be safe and happy..

somehow pple only sees the results. they actually never knew the efforts pple put in. somehow i prefer the process to the results. haiz. how i wish.. nvm..

dun wanna blog ler.. very irritated still. dunno why.. crapz.. didnt do any h/w. haiz.


"but my love is all i have to give.."
-Al
Ruth-Skunk || 12:30 pm