could you hear me?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

going out

Right.. Yesterday was dumb. Ok. Not exactly but quite. Supposed to meet Rah and Jean at Ikea. In the end I missed the bus stop. Well, not that I missed the stop. I know I'm supposed to get down but I just don't trust my instinct. Darn. What's wrong with me. Just because no one else on the bus was getting down. Crap.

Maybe it was a test the Holy Spirit gave me. Cause I didnt want to go initially. Then I prayed about it. Somehow He seemed to direct me to go. It is, in fact, a christian gathering. And I allowed Him to guide me. But then I seemed to betrayed His guide in the last minute. What's wrong with me? -.-

Oh. Actually the one thing that everyone doesnt know behind all this dumbness is that I wasnt feeling very good with myself. Ok, maybe Jie knows. Cause I told her before I left. Was still crying at that time actually. The feeling doesnt wanna go off. I'm still tearing at my life and about other people's lives. Talked to God and I cried. I dunno. Maybe knowing Him was the right thing. But the right thing makes me cry.

"Love hurts, truth hurts." That's what I told Jie. It's like Jesus dying for us on the cross because He loves us. I bet it hurts alot. And the truth of knowing it is just as too. I asked God why must it be Him who dies on the cross. Why not me? But I realised that no matter how many times I die, it wont matter cause I cannot change anything. I'm not good enough to even talk about dying on the cross. Haiz.

Ok. So where did I go then? Went to Harbourfront to walk around. Not that there's shops to shop. Just walk around aimlessly. Like those wandering ghosts. Haha. Suddenly felt like a "jobless" person. Asked Jingwen if she was free or anything. Ended up visiting her at NYP and talked to her while she ponned her project work. That girl ah. Haha. Brought her lil brother home too. I actually didnt know that her whole family is christian. Oops. I thought she's like me. Convert. Hmm.. Aiyoh. And to think that I've known her for 8 years ler. Her brother is real cute. Very outgoing also. And very music smart. Abit hyperactive but it'll die down a few years later. Cause she asked him,
"Want me to sell you to Liru jiejie not?"
Then he asked me, "Is your family christian?"
I replied, "No they're buddhist."
Then he said, "Then I don't want to go to your place ler."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I'm a christian," said he.
I just smiled and said, "But I'm a christian."
"Really?" he replied in wonder.

He's really cute. Haha. And he is still young. P2 only. Still got alot of things he still didnt know. So can teach him alot. And he's a really nice kid. Treat me to drinks and dessert too. Heh. =) Cute boy. And oh yes. His sis said he's always 抢镜头 one. Heh. But it's ok.

Somehow I love to be with Christian friends. It feels just like family. On the same track and stuff. Haiz.. Jie, I missed you already. Haha.. I like fellowshipping. I love churching.

Oh, went out to shop around with Rah, Joce and Adele today. Look for a good gown for Joce's prom night. Heh. And watched "The Exorcism Of Emily Rose". Not bad. Quite intruiging. People still look more at facts then beliefs. Haiz. The scene was quite ok bah. More shock factor then scare factor. Rah and Joce didnt seem to have watched the entire movie. Heh. And people keeps going out of the cinema lah. Very irriating. And they didnt close the door. This other guy got pissed off and closed the door. And I went up to close another time. Pfft. People.. -.-

Ok.. I'm quite tired now actually. Maybe not enough sleep. And mum keeps bugging me to get a job, learn driving.. Yadayada.. Oh man. She's even more excited about my life then I am. -.- And my name's getting called every now and then at home. Ahh.. I needa get out.

But I'm broke. Haha. Nah.. Digging into my past savings. Shh...

Da-ge!! I wanna go out with you!! Dinner or anything! =P
Ruth-Skunk || 9:30 pm