could you hear me?

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

why?

Dear God

Why is being with You so hard? Why do I need to face with so much trails and obstacles? Getting to You was so hard. Hard was the part of overcoming my own thinking. And when that was over, hard was the part of overcoming the Tempter to get closer to You. Every now and then I'll have to repent and seek for Your forgiveness for the habitual sinnings. Now when that was almost going to be over, I have to face people. Why do they not understand? Why? They got scared of hearing the word "Church". They rebuke all the arguments I make according to the bible. Fine, maybe my arguments are not good cause I'm not good in debates and formulating arguments. And I always get discouraged by my failure to defend myself in a good stand.

Why Father? I don't care if they insult me. But I cannot do nothing if they insult You Lord. I was angry. I was very sad too. What can I do Lord? Tell me.

I lost my first defence for You. By losing my cool, it's half the battle lost. Jie said Jesus won't handle such attacks this way but in a calm manner. I don't seem to have realise that till just. Perhaps it is Your will to teach me patience and kindness with my bro? I'm really sorry Father to have lost it due to my weakness. I cried Father. For myself or for You, I don't know. "Still" makes the situation sadder, as usual. I was wondering why I stopped liking it. But now I found the love of that song back. Thank You Father for loving me, for giving me that song.

I really want someone who could stand by me, to defend ourselves, who can view the world like I do, someone who encouraged me spiritually, someone who'll grow with me.

I've got Jie. Somehow she feels really kind. My spiritual sister. From us, I can see the encouragement that I really like to see with others. Somehow it felt different. I know I can tell her my troubles. I really wanna thank You for her Father.

And I love Rah's family. Heh. Really comfortable and warm. Can see the love and care among them. Havent been talking much to Rah though. But I know she'll be there if I need her. Right Father?

I happened to use the word naive on myself in a conversation with Chans the other day. Am I really that naive? Somehow I don't seem to want to see myself as otherwise. Although I sometimes question myself other's intentions, but I often turn down the idea. Is this how You want me to be Father?

The Holy Spirit. Sometimes I think I can hear it. Sometimes I just dont think I felt it. And I prayed so many times to You, Father. Do I really have You in me? Yes I do. But did I accidentally shut it off from me? I'm sorry God.

I like this song. If only people will understand it. Why? Can't they all feel the love? Are they really too blinded by worldly sins? Why Father?

So You Would Come

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

So you would come. So all of you would go to Him. Why are you all building a wall from Him?

Father. I don't know how, I don't know why. I wanna pray, I wanna worship, I wanna praise, I wanna love You.

In Jesus precious name,
Amen.
Ruth-Skunk || 9:03 pm