could you hear me?

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Solitude - In The End...

ME
Is this a right decision? i dunno.. there's no such thing as a right or wrong decision.. it's only good or bad.. seperating myself from the rest.. it sort of made me solitude, more aware of myself, my actions.. being solidude makes me open to more things.. self-pitying... sad..

YOU1
visited solitary again.. feels weird.. i dunno.. it's juz me i guess.. dun they understand? i guess you juz treat everyone the same.. am i thinking too much? why am i caring? haiz.. maybe i should revert back to my old self.. my own self? see first lah.. too much thoughts is bad for my health.. =(

just being alone.. not bad.. dun need to think about too many things.. juz myself.. or maybe not.. think i'll be thinkin too much.. but at least it keeps me away from gettin hurt from u.. think i'm hating this life.. too many things troubling my heart.. but i didn't dare say. no one ask so why bother right? i thought i would have the courage to tell you.. but God seems to forbid my doing so.. right.. shouldn't think too much.. =(

nothing seems to work. all the plans, all down the drains. seems like God's playing tricks with me. or maybe i'm juz thinkin too much? maybe.. it's always like that, when i've picked up the courage to say it, Heaven will always pour cold water on me.. i know that what i'm feelin is against normality. can i dun bother? no i cant. seems like i'm not so neutral after all. seems like i'm biased too. why can't i juz keep myself free of such thoughts? i dunno.. couldn't remember the reason why too..

YOU2
DON'T U DARE TALK BAD ABOUT HER BEHIND HER BACK! ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE INSULTING HER IN FRONT OF ME!! no one else knows what's inside of me but isn't it TOO COINCIDENTAL that YOU chose to tell ME about HER?? i've tried hard to forgive your childish domination acts and to pardon myself for thinkin bad about you but this is too much for me to take.. in the end, it doesn't even matter..

ME
i've tried to change the thoughts i had. is it supposed to be like this? is it unchangeable? it's really unbearable.. had multiple heartburns in the past week. is it supposed to mean anything? am i destined to be the one? Al.one..


Ruth-Skunk || 4:43 pm