could you hear me?

Saturday, April 29, 2006

forgotten blog

I've got so much to blog about.. But it became an overload. Now I don't know what to say..

Have been complaining lots.. Mostly about work.. The kids are really a killer to the teachers' health and voicebox. Just a few days back, I screamed at the kids until I have problem speaking at a lower volume.

And I forgot that this coming Monday is Labour Day.. Just as I was wondering if I could take a day off from work.. And I just got back to work after 2 days of MC and weekend. Lol! Sheezo.. This is bad.. Hmm..

My mum went overseas just yesterday. Eastern Europe with her colleagues. 6 of them. And I told my sis, "Isnt that like the entire department? Wont there be anyone working these 10 days then?" Ok, I don't mean that the entire department consists of only 6 people, afterall, it's the MINDEF. But then again, 6 people who took off from work for 10 days together.. Wow..The rest of the people must be feeling a little irritated by it.. 6 people's workload will have to be dispersed out among the rest who will be working. Wonder if the boss knows..

Well, it's my mum's dream to go around the globe. So I don't think I would stop her. But then again, I'll like it more if she could take these 10 days off from work and stay at home to accompany us like a housewife would. I don't know.. I just don't like people to leave far from me, especially overseas, cause anything can happen out there and people at home wont know, not like in your own country which at least a policeman would pay you a visit if anything terrible would happen.. *choi*

My heart really ached these few days.. Actually it had been going on for weeks.. I'm scared actually. Cause whenever it happens, I know something will go wrong. It started after my Dad's passing. When he died, I started to have heart aches. That entire week of funeral, I had heartaches.. And it came and went for a few long months. And I was beginning to worry that it might be a heart problem or sth. Then it started to calm down. And I thought maybe that was it. But it came on again a few days before I leave for my choir competition in Olomouc. And a few days in Czech.. I thought of it as nothing but I have to admit that it did affect my mood. Hence I actually did not perform very well.. Perhaps it's due to that which cause our team to not clinch the top in any of the 2 categories we participated in. Perhaps it's God-sent grace, we still manage to get 2nd in all categories and even be the runner-up choir out of all 176 choirs.. So I thought nothing of my heartaches.. Till I get home.. Bad news came. And I cried again. I should have listened to my heart. I should have stayed back. I should have not be so confident. So many "I should have"s.. Once bitten, twice shy, what's more it's twice bitten.. But I trust in the Lord..

The question in cell on "What kind of picture is painted when you think about family?" or something like that. When that question came, my mind was a blank.. What do you mean by "family"? Do I have one? It's not complete now.. I didnt dare to paint any picture.. Mind's a blank.. Too many things that happened which made me not think much of it. I wanted so much to reply, "Heaven with our Father and all of us," to the girls, but I chose not to cause I felt extra and not right.. Like that was not the intended answer anyway.. Cause my mind cannot process a family which does not feel on the same track as me anymore. Though I know we are related directly by blood, but I also know that all of us are all Adam's children. It's just that now Christ has redeemed me, and they are still Adamic.. Haiz.. And they refused to understand..

Father, was it out of folly that I did what I shouldn't be doing? And though I know I'm wrong, like very wrong.. Sinned one of the greatest sins. Think God is really upset with me. Disappointed perhaps..

Our Heavenly Father loved us so much that He gave His one and only Son to us.. Such great love. He is omnipresent, hence He is always with all of us all the time. Imagine someone you love so much did something which upsets you a lot. You'll feel so sad right? Now, think of God. He loved us all so much, and apparently so many of us did so many things which hurt Him. Won't He be so sad? Perhaps majorly disappointed. But being omnipotent, He never gives up. He is too perfect to give up.. He'll keep trying. Even till the time we leave this world.. For us, the forgiven ones, He'll mold us to one day when He thinks we're good enough, which of course won't happen till the day when the King of kings and Lord of lords came down to bring us up.

Alright, I gotta go off for tuition now.. =)
Ruth-Skunk || 10:21 am