could you hear me?

Saturday, April 15, 2006

tantrums..

It's weird when friends don't talk..

But then again, I thought it's good to have mutual connection with each other? I don't know, I can't sem to connect anymore. Tried so hard and too many times. Don't feel like connecting.. But when I do that, they'll think I'd grown cold. But Jesus never grew cold. He's never tired of trying. He never stopped trying. He's forever loving..

I should be learning from Him.. But what am I doing? Such is self..

It's weird when I had thought nothing mattered anymore now I had Him. But self seemed to be fighting against it. "You have no time for yourself!" " Don't you need to rest?" ... Spiritual battle..

I want to love You more and more..

God, You can hear me and my thoughts as I type this down right? You can see my heart. Why is there dryness? Aren't You supposed to be strongest when we are weakest? Then why can't we feel you when we are dry?

I like the rain. Cause raindrops on the face could hide the tears shed.. How I wish the rain could wash away my pain. But at least I know God is listening..

I just want to be where You are. I just want to be with You..

Maybe I like to work alone. Sometimes I really wish someone could help me though. At other times I just felt like completing everything at one go. I never like to rush people.. Perhaps I'm the type who like to take centre stage in work? I don't know..

Threw a tantrum just now.. Behaved like a kid.. Ignored everyone.. Walked out in the midst of prac.. Cried.. Talked to God.. It's been a long time since I last threw one.. Bogged down by everything.. Felt so tired.. Felt so frustrated.. No one seemed to care sinced I've not shown any signs of "I can't take it no more".. Guess it's all inevitable..

Walked around toa payoh gardens after I left church.. The mini falls looked nice.. And it's quiet there too.. Spent some time staring at the quilts in the interchange too.. Quite cool..

Went home. I guess I looked quite alright. And they didnt ask me how I was. Guess they didnt realise.. Had dinner with fam. Then they went for late games of pool and bowling. I preferred to stay at home and stone. Sing a lil for Him. Cried a lil.. But I'm quite alright now..

And Jesus said, "Come to the water, stand by My side,
I know you are thirsty, you won't be denied;
I felt ev'ry teardrop when in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died."
Ruth-Skunk || 11:39 pm