could you hear me?

Monday, May 29, 2006

"cleaning" spree

I sorta cleared all my contacts on the msn messenger. Prolly the popping up of contacts who I never talk to, irritated me so much and spurred me on a "cleaning" spree. Aye. I don't care anymore. I'll probably regret it later. But it's alright. Just like the last time I "cleared" my hp contacts. Or rather, I just kept the contacts in the sim card so they wont appear on my hp contacts. Then when random people smsed me, I'd be replying, "Who's this?" first.

Prolly I was too naive. To believe in the goodness of all friendships. People come and go. Some won't even remember who I am. Especially if I had no impact in their lives, and left no footprints in their heart. But it's alright. It had always been the way anyway. I know Jesus said that we should love one another. He loved us though we were sinners, though we were His enemies. Is it possible for me to do that?

I'm getting further away from Him.. My heart is emptying itself. Or maybe that evil guy is playing with me. Stopped doing QT, hardly even pray except while saying grace. Getting away from being that kid who He loves. Like a child when she has a grudge against her father, she stops communicating with him.

Do You still love me? Am I still worthy to be Your child? Do You still want me? However can I when I keeps breaking Your heart? Would You still love me if I ever stop loving You?

Slipped and fell down like nuts.. Tripped and hurt myself. Feet hurts. Bum hurts. God is punishing me.
Ruth-Skunk || 11:58 am